I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
