i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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