Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
