Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
