Pants 0. Shit 1.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I need a beard to bite.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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