We won't sleep together?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
