I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
