I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
