he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Randomize
