Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
