So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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