I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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