Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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