I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
