I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
