Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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