I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Green mimosas i think yes
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
What a dumb baby whore.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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