Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
