hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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