two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
