Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
