Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
