I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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