Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
