this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
