Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
She swung at the pinata with crutches
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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