she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
