I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
