I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
