Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
