if you like me you must not know who I am
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
