I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Randomize
