Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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