I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
