I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I believe in your delicious
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
