I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
