So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Randomize
