Will you blow on my dice?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
