She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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