I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
