i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
