i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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