i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Randomize
