my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Oh god it's open bar.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
