I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
