I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
