i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
