dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
