You don't have asthma, your pregnant
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
