Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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