I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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