i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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