I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
