he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
