i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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