Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
