Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
