Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
