dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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