You're my little dorito
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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