i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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