He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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