At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
